“Me, my enemy and how I learned to love her.”
When I got 15 I was addicted. Not to drugs or medicine but plainly to Food. I got caught in the vicious circle of eating disorder.
Bulimia and Binge-Eating, I never had heard of that before. It just began with the nasty feeling of hate towards my life and body. One day I ate huge amounts of food to compensate this feeling and I felt sick. I just did what also helps when your stomach feels ill: Head above the toilet.
From then on this was my way out of the sick feeling when it returned. And I was praised from my surrounding: “Oh dear, amazing how much you can eat!” and “You got so slim, I envy you.” These daily statements assured me of going the right way.
But someday you realize something’s wrong.
I had insomnia, I was always tired and exhausted, my feet wouldn’t get warm anymore. Dizziness, stomach pain and a sore throat. The symptoms got more and more. And with time it was getting harder to pretend everything was fine. But to confide in someone I was too ashamed.
I wanted to get out of the vicious circle, but how?
Step 1: I acknowledged that I was sick.
Step 2: I made myself aware that I wasn’t ‘guilty’. A long time I felt guilty against my body. But feelings of guilt are not useful and rational. Because Eating Disorder is an Addiction! You cannot just stop. But small steps lead to the goal.
Step 3: I trusted in someone and told my story. Yes, it’s really hard and yes, I needed soo much confidence in this person. But I am really happy to have a person by my side who supports and loves me and shows me how important it is to love yourself. So…
Step 4: Love Yourself! Only if you Really want to get healthy and you are able to love yourself, no matter what triggered the eating disorder in your past, you can manage to recover.
Step 5: I tried many things to get rid of my eating disorder and I learned: To distract yourself is the best method. Don’t stay at home alone, go out, do some sports, meet with friends and take your time for the things you like.
Step 6: If you are uncertain about handling your food intake properly then make yourself an Eating Plan. It should be realistic and healthy so your body’s nutrition rebalances and you feel fit again. Tell your family and friends that you want to eat healthy and that this is really important for you so they are able to support you.
Step 7: Get rid of your fear. At first it will be really hard because you don’t want to tell everyone your story and again and again there will be situations which will throw you back. This happened to me, but I still fight for my way. Because it’s worth it.
I took long time to get to step 3 and it didn’t get easier to achieve the other steps. Because myself was my biggest enemy who I learned to love.
Now I try to listen to my body. If it feels good or if it needs something. I learn to eat healthy, because it really helps but I don’t force myself. I talk with my beloved person about important things and with this I destroy the basis of the eating disorder.
I know how long the way in a liveable Life is and I intentionally don’t say ‘back’. Because the past has triggered the addiction somehow but I managed to develop. I found a new and healthy way of life just by doing what makes me happy and makes me smile. Because laughing makes you strong.
I hope my story encourages you and you find energy to walk a healthy and fit way of Life ♥ If you have questions, just write a comment or a dm.
You can also find more info about the theme on the Blog of Simone Happel.